so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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