Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
