also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
