I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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