hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
