I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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