Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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