Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
