Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
