people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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