I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
