She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
