you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
