So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
