How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
