dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
