in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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