I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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