you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
