In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
