Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize