I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
