need another drink. this is the easiest way
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
