some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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