i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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