hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
