I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
