i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
