You can't special order awesome
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
