We won't sleep together?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
