They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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