Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
