Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
