Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
