I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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