the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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