I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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