Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
