You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
