i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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