Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
