Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize