i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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