"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
