Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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