Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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