my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
