The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
