Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
