3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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