ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
