god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
