the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
