Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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