We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
