Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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