i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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