I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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