another moral hangover. fuck.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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