I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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