she smelled like a LAN party
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
