and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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