I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
