i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize