Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
