Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
