i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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